ISSUE 31 July 14th 2000
		B L A C K M A G I C . . . . Once again, it wouldn’t be a true week in the crazy world of pop without old ‘Huffy, Puffy’ Daddy and his ‘walking tits’ Jennifer Lopez. This week, news reaches me that Lopez’s ex manager is ‘suing her ass off’ because old trigger happy Daddy took over her career and in turn, robbed him of millions of potential earnings. Last night I caught up with Eric Gold at his luxury villa in the South of Tottenham. He told me……" The Jennifer I knew, would never have got herself into that situation, but Puffy is now her ‘Svengali’. Jennifer fell under a dark spell cast on her by that dammed man, so I have to fight for what is mine." Like any decent showbiz reporter, I wanted to find out more about this ‘Dark Spell.’ ( I spent weeks after the release of ‘Star Wars’ in 1977, searching the farms of Texas for the ‘Horse’. It wasn’t until I saw the film recently that I realised, that what Darth Vader had actually said was "beware of the Force"). Without further ado, I tracked down the nearest thing Britain has to a ‘Puff Daddy’. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, as he has ‘special powers of persuasion’ and is known by many as ‘a fucking big cult’. But, I did it ! yes you guessed it …..I found Mr Paul Daniels . I tracked him down to the seaside town of Boscombe where he has a villa. I asked him about this ‘dark spell’ as it sounds just like the one he used on Debbie McGee some fifteen years ago. ‘Well it works like this son, by raising the spirits of Nagasaki, you can brain wash any woman to fall hopelessly in love with you. It’s an ancient art that takes years to master. It’s most likely to be the same one Puffy’s used on Jennifer. With Debbie, I just covered her in goats blood, and tied her to a crucifix. She went wild! well, I’d got blood all over her new carpet. When that failed, I just gave her a cheque for 3 million and a house in Surrey and bingo ! she’s been mine ever since. That’s magic !’ BEN