ISSUE 56 January 12th 2001
		M R D I S T H E M A N F O R M E . . . This week ‘hot hooters’ Jennifer Lopez has poured her heart out about the man she loves. No, it’s not Terry from the Lamb & Lion, it’s still that ‘poor man’s MC Hammer’ Puff Daddy. Yep, just when it looked as if their relationship was heading for the rocks due to Puff’s imminent court case, up pops old Lopez like a ‘love struck poodle’ to tell the whole world what a wonderful man he is. Late last night she came over to my council flat in Hull to ‘spill the beans’. It was a truly beautiful evening. I even cooked her my delicious culinary special: ‘Swan Wings in Syrup’. After cleaning up the spilt beans, Jennifer was soon pouring her heart out to me whilst I cracked open another bottle of my specially imported French mineral water (‘tap de la water’). She told me: "Puff’s the greatest man in the world! He’s the only one for me. The kindest thing he ever did was when he filled my room with 12,000 flowers and 700 candles for my birthday". I told her I did a similar thing for Debbie’s birthday, although not on the same scale. I told her I only managed to fill her airing cupboard with 14 roses. It would have been more, but they closed the park early that Sunday. BEN.