ISSUE 55 January 5th 2001
		L A D Y G O D I V A . . Lord, if there ‘s a bigger geek in the world I want to find him. This week N’Sync’s Justin Timberlake has warned his girlfriend to stop dressing like ‘Lady Godiva’. That would be fine, if she was any other woman than good old ‘tits like two melons in a pink hot water bottle’ Britney Spears. Last night I spoke to the ugly little weasel, and he told me: "Britney needs to slow down and count her blessings. She needs to recognise that there are thousands of young girls out there who watch her and think it’s all right to dress like that". (Jesus Christ! he sounds like the late Reverend Peters the night we took him down to the ‘Pussy Cat Club’). But, what makes this little monkey even more of a donkey is the fact he still hasn’t managed to bed Britney yet! He cried to me:"I believe in God and know he doesn’t want us jumping into bed with anyone we come into contact with. I really don’t feel as if I need to go and prove my manhood that way." Lord, he’s behaving like Bambi in a fucking whorehouse. Come on Virgin pants! Judging by the way Britney’s dressing these days, she’s gagging for it! Even Stevie Wonder can see that! BEN