ISSUE 54 December 22nd 2000
		L A S S I E . . . Well, the big day is almost here. No, not the day when some ‘magical baby’ was born in a stable in Birmingham 2,000 odd years ago but Madonna’s wedding day. Yep, our ‘mutton dressed as lamb’ ‘Queen of Pop’ finally landed in Scotland, and was greeted by some of its most breathtaking views. (Where else can you see the sight of a Shetland pony wondering through a run down council estate at six in the morning?) Old McMadonna’s wedding will be attended by some of the biggest names in the world of show business including Sting, Brad Pitt, and Elton John. The biggest names in Scotland will also be there, including Jimmy Cranky and ex-Scotland international Alan Brazil. But, that’s only if they can get in! Christ, there are more soldiers guarding the event than we sent into World War II! There are SAS men covering every door, whilst heat-seeking equipment will make sure that no large weapons will enter the site, so expect a massive security scare when ‘cock like a babies arm’ Luther Vandross turns up! BEN.