ISSUE 53 December 15th 2000
		S T A N T H E B U I L D E R . . . The race for the Christmas number one is once again causing much debate in the world of pop this week. And it’s a sad state of affairs when the battle is between kids favourite ‘Bob the Builder’ and Eminem. Lord, I never thought I be asking where the hell Cliff is when we need him! I think we all know where Cliff is. He’s having his ‘jingle bells’ shaken by Lionel Blair, while Sue Barker covers his ‘Chocolate log’ with whipped cream! I think it’s safe to say Eminem’s festive offering's hardly ‘Missiletoe and wine’. I mean the lyrics: ‘I read about your Uncle Ronnie too, I’m sorry. I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didn’t want him. I know you probably hear this everyday, but I’m your biggest fan. I even got the underground shit that you did with Scamz’ are hardly the stuff of ‘Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time’ are they? However, all of this sounds a darn sight better than what I heard at the rehearsals for Martine McCucheon’s Christmas T.V special last week. One of the worst sounds known to man greeted me after a typing error in the script led to the orchestra playing ‘Away In A Manger’ whilst poor old Martine, sang ‘Away’ in A-major ! BEN