ISSUE 52 December 8th 2000
		L A R G E R T H A N L I F E . . . Looks as if Mel C is causing yet more problems as she continues to do a very good impression of Bernard Manning after he’s swallowed a mattress. Yep, these days she’s as well mannered as a pissed up rugby player in a nunnery, but this week it’s Madame Tussards who are furious with her because she ‘keeps altering her image’. (I think they’re trying to tell her she’s getting bigger by the minute.) Last night a spokesperson told me: "The latest Mel C dummy has a hairstyle that went out of date months ago and a skinny waist line that needs at least two buckets of fresh wax to fill it out". I have to agree with them, because I was there this weekend, and as soon as I saw her dummy I thought I had got the wrong address and had ended up in the Natural History Museum looking at a ‘stuffed giant water rat from 18 BC’. Well, I’ve got a money saving idea for Madame Tussauds. Why not just swap the ‘water rat model’ for the old dummy you’ve got of ex-world darts champion Eric Bristow? He looks just like Mel C at the moment, so why not just slap a blonde wig on the large blob of wax, and bingo! You’ve got yourselves the new ‘larger’ Mel C ! BEN.