ISSUE 50 November 24th 2000
		P U F F T H E M A G I C D R A G Q U E E N . . . I’m glad to report there are yet more ‘problems’ in world of Puff Daddy and Jennifer Lopez. Just when it looked as if there was no way on earth I’d ever get to play ‘Doctor Dick gets lost in Beaver jungle’, with the Latin beauty, news reaches me that their relationship is once again on the rocks. And this time it’s a bit more serious than Jennifer forgetting to put the bins out. Apparently, Puff ‘blew his top’, when he arrived un-announced on the set of Jennifer’s new movie, and witnessed his ‘bitch’ snogging fellow ‘thespian’ Matthew McConaughey. Puff went ‘berserk’, and it wasn’t long before his pistol was firing more ‘hot bullets’ than Clint Eastwood on speed. Before long Puffs ‘homies’ (Kevin B, Gary D, and Barry F), turned up and all hell kicked off. Four hours later (and once Puff had stopped firing blanks) Jennifer pulled Puff to one side and informed him she was innocently rehearsing the film’s key ‘romantic scene’ with co-star Matthew, and that Puffy had nothing to worry about. However, two days later Puff once again turned up at the studio and witnessed Jennifer being humped left right and centre by two gorillas and three giraffes. Puff went crazy, and once again poor old Jennifer had to tell him it was just a rehearsal for a love scene in the film. But this time Puff wasn’t having any of it, and for once I’m right behind him. Nowhere in the script was there any hint of any kind of sex scene. But, Puff has promised to give Jennifer the benefit of the doubt until he sees the finished film. Jennifer’s new film: ‘Noah’s Ark’ hits cinema screens next summer. BEN.