ISSUE 50 November 24th 2000
		M I C H A E L C R A C K S O N . . . Jesus Christ! I thought Michael Jackson’s face looked like a ‘frozen chicken with stubble’ two weeks ago. But, this week his hagged old mug look’s as if it’s been rugby kicked across a muddy playing field as well. What’s wrong with this freak? Ten years ago he had his infamous ‘respray’ whilst preaching about it not mattering if you’re ‘black or white’. His career subsequently went ‘tits up’ because everyone thought he was Michael Bolton. But this week, well…let’s just say he won’t need to splash out on a Halloween costume next year! And that’s not all. Oh no! Because this week it looks as if sick Jacko is once again playing ‘how did that get up there?’ with poor innocent children. Yep, I recently went ‘under cover’ in New York at the launch of his new Charity: Time with Kids’ (Honestly, I’m not making this up!). Once security had noticed me walking around ‘under a cover’ I was promptly kicked out, but by that time it was too late. I’d already got the low down on what Jacko’s perverted new charity was all about. Apparently, Jacko plans to use his charity to ‘bring parents and their children closer together’. And that’s exactly what his perverted charity does! The poor kids are literally brought closer to their fathers. For example, Jackson will place his son on the other side of his living room, and then phone his ‘Time with Kids’ charity who will promptly send someone round to move his son across the room and on to his lap. It’s the work of Genius! You’ve been warned! BEN