ISSUE 49 November 17th 2000
		B U M F I N G E R S . . . Lord, being alive this week has been like one long gay nightmare. Everywhere I look I see Elton John’s saggy face staring straight back at me (although, it could be a lot worse). I turn on the telly and there he is with Michael Parkinson giving him a good ‘arse licking’. Then I pick up the newspapers and there he is again, going over the same old stories. We all know them Elton! Cocaine, stupid stage costumes, marrying a woman (even though your ‘anchor was firmly stuck in poo bay’). Give us a break ‘bum fingers’! (Lord, it’s almost as if you’ve got a new celebrity packed live album to promote!). But, oh no Elton hasn’t stopped. Earlier this week he was busy launching his new photographic exhibition. And the photos were typical of this ‘singing arsehole’s’ love of butch men who have accidentally lost their clothes. That’s because the photos were full of ‘butch men who have accidentally lost their clothes’. Man, it was like being stuck in a Dale Winton wet dream! These photos were part of Elton’s ‘private collection’ (which by the looks of it should have remained private!) His exhibition is part of a massive fund raising drive by Elton’s UK charity - ‘British United Musicians Against Cruelty in Orphanages Containing Kosovans’. It’s better known as B.U.M’s against C. O. C. K’ s. (Can I just say ‘hello’ to our office cleaner ‘AD’ who is away working for Chris De Burg in Paris this week). BEN