ISSUE 47 November 3rd 2000
		M A D F A C T O R . . . This week, pop’s very own ‘Mother Teresa’ Madonna, finally got the message that she’s getting on a bit. Yep, she’s finally been given the boot by make up giants ‘Max Factor’ after recent pictures revealed that her skin is now looking more like a knacked patio after a force 10 gale. Her face has now got more ‘saggy cracks’ than a Elton John orgy. It’s a massive blow for Madonna who had been Max Factor's ‘Face Of The Millennium’. Earlier this year, Madonna’s hagged old face was plastered all over the world in a promotional drive that Max Factor hoped would attract the massive over 40’s market. However, they soon realised that Madonna’s face was in fact encouraging the over 80’s into buying their products, they thought Madonna was in fact the 1930’s war hero Vera Lynne ( Or worse, ‘Compo’ from ‘Last of The Summer Wine’). However, it’s not all bad news for Granny. Because on Christmas day, she will host her very own edition of Top Of The Pops. Yep, she will host an hour long special, just after the Queen has told the nation she’s spent all our money on a race horse again . Let’s just hope Madonna looks better by then, otherwise any viewers over 80 will wonder what the Queen Mother is doing pissed out of her mind on sherry, whilst singing ‘Like A Virgin’. BEN.