ISSUE 47 November 3rd 2000
		W A C K O S T U B O . . . Jesus Christ, I’ve seen some truly scary things on Halloween, but even the sight of Uncle Reggie using his private parts and an umbrella doing his highly realistic impression of a ‘wild bat’ last year, couldn’t of prepared me for the horrific sight of Michael Jackson this week. This man’s a f**king freak ! How can you describe him ? Well, judging by recent photos, it’s a terrifying cross between Match Of The Day’s Mark Lawrenson and Marilyn Manson. Yep, this week, good old ‘cock strangler’ tried to prove to the world once and for all, that he wasn’t a ‘white afro Caribbean child hugging paedophile’, but a ‘normal, stylish kinda guy’, by growing some ‘hip’ designer stubble. It was a desperate attempt to gain some much needed credibility after ‘Blood On The Dance Floor’. (And Jacko, if you turn up at this week’s Children In Need Charity Disco in Swindon, there certainly will be ‘blood on the dance floor’. Yours Bucko !) However, Jackson’s latest image change, badly back fired, as his face now resembled a frozen chicken with bum fluff, which caused all kinds of confusion at Liz Taylor’s 100th Birthday Bash. They both sat next together, and what with Liz doing a very good impression of Grandad Steptoe in drag, it was difficult to tell one freak from another. Needless to say, a terrible mix up occurred when Liz was whisked away by Jackson’s security and ended up opening a school for young blind boys in New Mexico the very next day. BEN.