ISSUE 46 October 27th 2000
		T O O H O T T O H A N D L E . . . I think it was Jesus who once asked Maid Marion "Tell me big tits, what’s the price of your beauty ?" That was over 2,000 years ago, but this week I got closer to the answer than old, 'Christ Almighty' ever did. Yep, whilst Jennifer Lopez popped to the shops to get some baby lotion for our ‘night in’ last Tuesday, I got bored ‘stiff’ and decided to rummage through her make up bag. And ‘stone the fucking crows’ you would not believe how much it costs her to look a million dollars everyday. Check this list out ! : Ultima Diamond anti ageing cream, £90 !. Creative Nail Design Spa Predicure set, £57.95 ! Antonia’s flowers tiempe Passate Perfume, £98, No wonder she looks so F**king hot! As you all know, I have been 'humping the arse' off Jennifer for three months now, however, I’m beginning to think that perhaps I’m a little bit out of her league. On our first date she took me to the Mayfair Hotel for the night, and I tried to return the favour by taking her to a Travel Lodge in Norwich for a romantic meal for two. And, after looking at Jennifer’s gold make up bag, I’m beginning to worry that my £10 Body Shop Gift Voucher is going to look a bit tame come Christmas. No wonder Puff Daddy gave her the chop !. This Bitch ain’t cheap !. Come back Tina. All is forgiven ! BEN.