ISSUE 45 October 20th 2000
		I D O N T B L A M E H I M . . . It’s time to lock up your daughters! No, Gary Glitter is not about to tour every Primary school in Britain promoting his comeback single 'This is my hand, and this your penis’. It’s worse than that……. Lenny Kravitzs is on the loose ! Better known these days as ‘Lenny No Hits’, the giant throbbing sex Gorilla, was this week spotted with his latest bit of beaver. And let’s just say, all that was missing from this romantic picture, was a pram and a rattle! Yep, although she looks ‘hot to trot’, there’s no denying the fact she’s young enough to be Lenny’s daughter. Admittedly, I can see where our Len’s coming from, if he plays his cards right he could be getting £28 a week extra for Child Benefit. (although I think he’s probably too busy playing ‘Peter Penis goes to Fanny Island at the moment!) However, the only person who’s not happy with Lenny’s ‘Baby sitting’ is the girl’s Father. He phoned me last night and admitted : "Lenny’s in his late 30’s and she’s only 17. Obviously I’m very concerned, her friends say she likes him a lot, but I'm afraid I think he's only after one thing! .... I’m keeping a close eye on him! " (This roughly translates as : ‘I’m going to nail the sick pervert !’). However, after watching my wife Tina once again trying to retrieve her wheel chair from the river, I thought that it was about time I too got some young, tender, beaver. So after spending twenty minutes in the bathroom, with nothing more than some boot polish, an afro wig and a hand knitted tea cosy, I was soon out on the prowl, strutting through the back streets of Brixton looking for my new ‘baby’. Admittedly, I didn’t get very far, as my Lenny ‘impression’ failed to impress a group of young rasta ‘brothers’ who soon beat me up, before stealing my earings. That was before I told them I was Lenny Kravitts ! They thought I was former TV-AM chef Rusty Lee! BEN