ISSUE 45 October 20th 2000
		B O N D A G E . . . Watch out for new ‘girl band’ Bond. No really, these chicks are different, they play violins and….and,….well that’s about it. To be honest, it wasn’t until they stripped off this week that I suddenly sat up and took notice. There’s four of them (two of them are hot, the other two look like extras from the badminton horse trials), and they’ve just signed a one million pound deal with ‘fat piggy’ Pavarotti’s label - Universal Decca. "Yeah, but what’s the music like Ben?" (you geeks are probably wondering). Well, after seeing them on Blue Peter last week, I can exclusively reveal it’s a massive wave of class A shit. ......Violins? ...In the year 2000?..... Hello! One of the sexy little monkeys ‘Eos’ told me: "Classical music should be sexy. I don’t understand why people have given classical music such a stuffy name? "..... Um…..Andrew Lloyd Webber, that ‘musical tramp’ Nigel Kennedy, and that big nosed freak, Beethoven may have something to do with it love! ...I think you can see why classical music is as sexy as a turd in a brown paper bag. But she just wouldn’t shut up!...she continued: "Our music will appeal to people who would normally be intimated by a classical concert ". I know what she means, because five years ago, my Uncle Reggie showed absolutely no interest in classical music what so ever. Then one day, whilst watching the Proms, he suddenly announced he wanted to ‘enter the young musician of the year’. The poor young Trombonist never recovered from Reggie’s ‘sausage surprise’! BEN