ISSUE 44 October 13th 2000
		Y E S P L E A S E . . . How many times have ‘big names’ in the world of showbiz, gone strangely quiet when asked: 'Who would you most like to have a threesome with?’ Well I can tell you now, thousands of them have! Little, angelic, Aaron Carter just stared blankly at me when I ‘probed‘ him in some dark, back alley last week, and Charlotte Church just started crying for her ‘Mummy’ when I jumped on her. But there was one star who gave me the answer I was hoping for… Yep, good old Eminem. Never one to ‘beat about the bush’ when talking about ‘beating about the bush’, Eminem admitted: "I’d love to have a threesome with Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera. I want them both! " he continued: "They’d love it, I’m sure. I just wanna F**k them. I wanna take the bitches to bed and do it to them ! That would be cool." However, I think he’d have trouble getting them to have a bowl of soup with him, let alone a threesome! You’ve got to have Charm Mr Em. It’s no good singing ‘Britneys’s garbage, is this bitch retarded ?’ It just doesn’t work. I should know, I’ve tried it ! Two weeks ago, at Steve’s retirement party, I went up to Sharon and said :‘Yo bitch, I’m gonna ride you all night’, but all I got was a slap in the face and a broken nose from her boyfriend Darren. However, two weeks later, I asked Sharon : "Would you care to be bound together in a natural way, my fair lady ?’ I then slipped a twenty pound note in her bra, and gave her a bag of grapes. It worked a treat, she’s now pregnant with twins! BEN