ISSUE 30 July 7th 2000
		B A N G I N B I T C H . . . . And just when I was begging for a new star to worship, up pops a new legend like an ‘erection in a whore house’. And what is the name of this new ‘pop’ leader? Well….it’s Eminem. Yes, a true genius has arrived. If anyone is reading this (which is highly unlikely) then get on your knees and praise the Lord. Just listen to this ‘new rapping sensation’ : "Don’t do drugs, don’t have unprotected sex, don’t be violent, leave that to me" Brilliant, If only Jesus had been more like this, he wouldn’t of been nailed to the cross for being a ‘virgin.’ His album ‘Slim Shady LP’ has already shifted 3 million worldwide, so by Christmas, every teenager in the land will be ‘Shootin’ Cops’ n’ ‘Bangin Bitches’. All I need now is a ‘Bitch’ and a gun to shoot her with. I can’t wait. The only let down, is that he looks like a 16 year old car thief from Swindon, but the Lord moves in mysterious ways. You’ve been warned ! BEN.