ISSUE 28 June 23rd 2000
		P E A C E & L O V E . . . It’s that time of year again when every ‘odd ball ’ in town goes wild and enjoys a weekend of ‘Love, Peace and Understanding’ Yep, it’s GLASTONBURY. Well, I hope it pisses with rain! Why this ‘peasants on drugs’ festival is still so popular, I’ll never know. The whole place stinks of shit, due to every hippie emptying their ‘organic’ bottoms every 10 minutes. And of course they don’t believe in deodorant, because it makes 'dolphins blind’ (especially if you spray ‘Lynx’ in their eyes) "But hey man, what about the music ? " I hear you hippies say, Yes, what about the music? dear oh dear…….. Embrace, The Pet Shop Boys, Travis ? I’d rather hear my own Grandparents choking to death on a large helping of apple pie. The only good thing about this ‘Musical carnival’ is the ‘Green Field’. Here, you can relax, find your ‘inner self’ and meditate until the sun goes down. It was here four years ago, I met my future wife and ‘spiritual healer’ Yougi . When I first looked into her eyes, I saw the ‘mountains of peace’ and the ‘waterfalls of hope’. I also saw her naked body, dancing to the sounds of dolphins. We sat and talked about ‘finding the path’ and later that night I did find the ‘path’...the ‘furry path’ as I banged her arse off to the sweet sounds of White Snake. She now works in Debenhams, and I work at MacDonalds, but what a festival, what a night. May you sad little pygmy's get lost whilst trying to ‘find yourselves’ in a shit filled porta loo. BEN