ISSUE 24 May 27th 2000
		B U B B L E S B A D H A I R D A Y. . . . Just when I thought old ‘plastic pipe cleaner’ Michael Jackson was as news worthy as a box of coal, up pops a story that has all the exictment of some old over weight has been playing live in Southampton as part of the BBC’s live music day. Just listen to the desperation of this story. Michael Jackson has been banned from London’s Dorchester Hotel after an alledged incident last year when a young girl was injured. Fascinating isn’t readers? I’ll elaborate just to fill the page. (If a young boy had been injured then Bingo. Top of the page stuff. Shame the human in question had ‘two fried eggs and a slot machine’.) Anyway, the story goes like this. Jacko has been barred after he apparently threw a T-shirt from his hotel window to the crowd below when he stayed last year. What’s wrong with that you may ask yourselves (if you’re still reading this)? Well, a group of fans scrambled for the momento in the middle of Park Lane and a girl fan was knocked down by a car. Heartbreaking isn’t it? Well, it’s even more heartbreaking when the T-shirt involved was not actually Jackson’s, but that of his pet chimp ‘Bubbles’ who Jackson has cruelly turned into the spitting image of a young Portugese street boy with the use of exstenive cosmetic surgery. Jackson was in the middle of a new sex game called ‘guess the object’ (Bubbles is blindfolded and has to guess an object without using his paws : ‘Bubbles, is this a carrot or a cucumber?’) Lets just say Bubbles went beserk when the next object he had to guess was a ‘red hot poker’ and all hell kicked off as Bubbles whipped off his T-Shirt in a desperate attempt to cool down. Blah, Blah,Blah. Bubbles opens window to let some air in, and then throws his T-shirt out. Then a young girl gets run over. A tragic tale. The Dorchester has every right to ban this sick evil man. BEN.