ISSUE 62 February 23rd 2001
		P A Y U P B U C K O . . . It looks as if it could be one of the biggest and dirtiest court room battles in years. Next month Liam Gallagher goes to court to try and stop his former wife Patsy Kensit from getting half of his reported £18.8 million fortune. And knowing old ‘mad dog’ Patsy she’ll fight tooth and nail for any money going, (especially as her acting career is these days has gone the way of the dodo). Poor Patsy will no doubt claim that Liam was the one who committed the unlawful act of adultery. (And, to be honest readers, there’s quite a lot of evidence to back her claim up i.e.: That ‘love child’ in Sweden, Nicole’s baby, and the fact that Pasty’s sister also gave birth to a child that also looks like a baby baboon two weeks after she did). However, Liam is not the only member of Oasis whose ex-wife is causing him problems. Noel’s ex Meg Matthews has run up a hefty bill of £17,000 on his plastic after having her lips and eyes done at some swanky cosmetic surgery. My wife Tina also caused me great financial stress when I agreed for her visit ‘Bob’s Cosmetic Surgery’ in Wimbledon last year. To cut a long story short, the surgery was a massive disaster as what should have been a routine ‘tummy tuck’ ended up with my wife now being able to talk out of her arse, but then again she’s been doing that for years! BEN.