ISSUE 60 February 9th 2001
		T I G H T A R S E . . . Not even the heart breaking experience of being unable to play ‘pin the tail on the donkey’ on my 16th birthday (because my family were so poor that they couldn’t afford the pin let alone the donkey), could of prepared me for the ‘peasants paradise’ that greeted me at Sir Paul McCartney’s birthday bash for Heather Mills on Tuesday night. It was like tramp's piss-up in a Romanian orphanage! That tight fisted old weasel McCartney was there grinning the night away, as his guests had the misfortune to tuck into sandwiches that wouldn’t look out of place in an Esso garage. We then had to queue for drinks that should have been free, but once we got to the bar we found they were outrageously over priced. I mean £17.90 for a pint of Heineken with a dash of lime is a bit rich (especially when Macca’s worth over £743 million!) If he really does love Heather, he’s got a funny way of showing it. And at this rate I'd bet on the wedding being held at a Little Chef where guests have to bring their own booze and packed-lunch. BEN.