ISSUE 55 January 5th 2001
		F U R R Y C U P . . . Looks as if Janet Jackson has been licking ‘the furry side of the stamp’ recently. And, if there’s one thing that’s guaranteed to get this young whipper snapper foaming at the mouth it’s the thought of two women caught up in a ‘beaver adventure’. The story comes straight from the horses mouth (no, not Janet), because this week her husband is suing her for $15m after he caught her playing with another woman’s ‘velvet purse’. Yep, her husband Rene Elizondos caught Janet ‘red handed’ last year, after becoming suspicious that Janet was indeed a ‘lesbian’. Apparently, he first became aware she maybe a lezzer when she broke down and confessed to him that she was in love with a woman. He then became even more suspicious when she told him the marriage was over and that she’d pledged her heart to someone who wasn’t a man. (Some how I don’t think Rene’s the brightest light in the harbour!) However, Rene still couldn’t work it out, so late one night he followed Janet to her French yoga teacher’s house. Here, he witnessed Janet and ‘Fanny Squelch’ playing an unusual sex game (Rene had to sit through the whole thing to get evidence for his case. The poor sod!). Janet maintained that she was innocently looking for Fanny’s ‘lucky marble’ which had gone missing during an innocent board game involving 200 marbles and a hosepipe. The case continues. BEN.