ISSUE 49 November 17th 2000
		S P L I T Z O N E . . . It is my sad duty to announce that those ‘singing third division footballers’ Boyzone are splitting up. It’s the end of an era. Yep, an era of musical diahorea that made the soundtrack to Bambi look like a musical masterpiece has come to an end. Last night I flew to Ireland to speak exclusively to Boyzone’s Keith Duffy, who gave me a first hand insight into one of the biggest news stories since the Gulf War. Apparently, the split happened when Keith was kicked out of Ronan’s dressing room after his performance with Elton John in Madison Square Garden last month. Keith told me: "I’m fucked off. Ronan is getting all the attention, whilst I’m getting treated as if I haven’t got any talent!" I agreed with Keith, who is a highly talented man indeed. By the age of seven he had written and choreographed the ballet ‘Swan Lake’ before writing two classic literary master pieces: ‘Cider With Rosie’ and it’s sequel: ‘Heineken With Terry’. So, you can understand Keith’s frustration when he was greeted by Elton John backstage with the words "Ah, at last, the boiler repair man, come this way". Keith is now pursuing a career in the world of theatre. He makes his acting debut next month in a classic piece of timeless theatre. ‘Cinderella’ will run from December the 2nd till January the 14th at Cork’s Theatre Royal. BEN.