ISSUE 48 November 10th 2000
		L O S T F O R W O R D S . . . He looks like a car mechanic from Swindon, and is more foul-mouthed than Mel C after too many Stellas, but this week ‘evil rapper’ Eminem was for once lost for words. Quite literally, because the thick donkey has lost his beloved songbook. Yep, apparently his ‘book of verse’ which contains his views on murder, drugs and rape (sounds a bit like the Bible), went missing on a Cincinnati flight to New York. Eminem only realised it had gone hours after he’d returned to his violent ‘hood’. (A poolside mansion, high up in Beverly Hills). Well, last night I tried to track his songbook down for him by using some of my gang land connections in the ‘Bronx’. After just one call to ‘Huge Teddy Bear’ he ‘split’ and got his partner in crime ‘Fuzzy Panda’ to hunt the book down. Man, it was tough, (they were both strung out on smack), but by some miracle they tracked the book down to a small Church in downtown Manhattan. I don’t know how the hell it got there, but suffice to say by the time the congregation had launched into such gospel classics as ‘Burn The Bitch’ and ‘Murder, Murder everywhere, but not a drop to drink’, it was pretty clear they’d got the right place. So, last night I happily returned the book to Eminem, as he relaxed in his Jacuzzi with a couple of bitches! He was over the moon. He asked me if I wanted to join him and the ‘honeys’ for a ‘crack induced orgy’, but I declined as I had to pick Tim and Charlotte up from their ballet class. But, the next time I’m in the Bronx, I promised I’d happily ‘bang some hoes’ with him. One time. Respect. BEN