ISSUE 48 November 10th 2000
		L O A D E D . . . Looks as if Robbie Williams has been getting up to his dirty tricks again! This week he was caught humping the arse off a young fan called ‘April Haddock’. Yes I know it’s a stupid name, and there are loads of puns here (‘Robbie sinks his huge rod into a young Haddock’), but it’s the way he ‘reels’ them into bed that has really caught my attention. Where as you and I would mearly ask any old donkey down the Lamb and Lion if they fancy coming back for a ‘coffee’, Robbie simply cuts out all the shit by asking the chicks what they fancy for breakfast the next morning, after he’s finished playing ‘trains and tunnels’. April told me: "I was dancing with Robbie and he just turned to me and said, "what do you want for breakfast …full English? I was blown away !" Whatever her answer, I’m pretty sure Robbie gave her the ‘full English’ all right, as our April no doubt awoke to the sight of Robbie’s tiny chipolater and two hard-boiled eggs. But this isn’t the only Robbie news this week, Robbie is said to be 'desperate' to be the next James Bond! Well, he’s definitely had ‘pussy galore’ since 1992. (Even though judging by his hairy back, he’d be better off in a remake of ‘Planet of the Apes’). But, maybe if he did become the new 007, he could get Geri to join him for a remake of ‘Octopussy’. Although, if Geri was in it, it would have to be called "Saggypussy’. BEN.