ISSUE 47 November 3rd 2000
		L I V I N G D O L L . . . First there was Take That, then Britney, and now Steps! What do they all have in common ? Well, not only do they have all the musical talent of a bag of nails, but they’ve all had dolls made of them. Yep, this week Steps showed off their new dolls, which are surprisingly realistic. They can’t sing, they have plastic tits, and have completely hollow personalities. Oh, and they both let off a funny, toxic gas if you leave them to near to an open fire! However, Claire’s doll is far from life like. It’s slim, sexy, and looks a lot like an old Jason Orange doll that was recycled to save money! In other words, it looks exactly like Claire before she caught the ‘Mel C syndrome’. Yes, I hate to say it, but Claire is now looking a lot like my third wife, Debbie, once she’d discovered those ‘naughty but nice’ chocolate Christmas logs, which are nice at Christmas, but not in the middle of July, which was when her addiction really started to kick in, poor Debbie ate them ‘morning, noon and night’, and although Claire may not need to be air ambulanced out of Quick Save just yet, she certainly appears to be heading that way. This is my plea to you Claire, please don’t turn into a walking sperm wale! I had to sit and watch my poor wife turn from Sue Barker into Ronnie Barker, right in front of my eyes, it was horrific! Still, I’ll look forward to getting a Steps Doll in my Christmas stocking this year. I could do with something blond, slim and easy to handle, so hopefully Santa will send me the H doll. BEN