ISSUE 47 November 3rd 2000
		C H E E K Y M O N K E Y Robbie Williams is a huge fan of Animal Sex. In a story that will have every farmyard and Zoo in Britain on red alert, I can exclusively reveal how this sick pervert gets his kicks before he ‘entertains’ his fans every night on his current tour. Yep, his tour rider wouldn’t look out of place in that classic porn movie ‘Doctor Dolittles Donkey Dick Derby’, (let’s just say, he definitely doesn’t talk to the animals!), Every night, Robbie requests a live ape and a pair of girls knickers to be sent to his dressing room, along with some miniature led soldiers! (I don’t want to get too perverse here, but I’m pretty sure the only ‘battle’ those soldiers have each night is trying to fit up the ape’s backside). Robbie also requests to be left alone before every show so he can ‘warm his voice up’. And with a hairy ape sat on his face for fifteen minutes, I’m pretty sure his voice is very ‘warm’ indeed. However, earlier last month his dirty secret was finally let out of the bag. Whilst performing ‘Angels’ at the Birmingham NEC, Robbie was unexpectedly joined on stage by a ‘surprise guest’. And no, it wasn’t Kylie Minouge. I could tell it wasn’t Kylie, because Kylie doesn’t spray miniature led soldiers from her arse 35 feet into to the air ! Yep, the ape was out ! Let’s just say Robbie was speechless, but managed to save his dignity by telling the audience: "Ladies and Gentlemen, my friend and yours…… Mark Owen ! ". Everyone agreed it was one of Mark’s best performances for years !. BEN