ISSUE 45 October 20th 2000
		B E A U T I F U L . . . Five years ago, Norman Cook was in ‘Freak Power’, and heading towards that road that is forever sign posted ‘Dole Office’. But, that was a long, long time ago. Now he’s got money, and he’s even managed to get Zoë Ball pregnant whilst looking like Sid James. This week he called me and announced: "One day things will be so good that my head will explode. I’ll be ‘Djing’ somewhere and getting a blow job from Zoë and it’ll all be too much, my brains will be on the deck!" Don’t worry Norman, I know exactly how it feels, because I’ve already had this life changing experience. It was December 1986, and I was DJing at the Royal Society for the Blind’s Charity Christmas Ball. I had just divorced my second wife Maureen, and was not looking forward to spending another Christmas on my own, when all of a sudden a sexy blind woman came over an asked if I could play the classic blind anthem ‘I Can See Clearly Now’ by Johnny Nash. "No problem" I said. She then asked how she could ever repay me, and let’s just say I soon felt her warm ‘lips of love’ on my ‘pink petrol pump’. I was in seventh heaven! So much so, I completely lost all concentration and ended up playing an entire side of ‘Closer’ by Joy Division. However, my face soon turned to horror, as I looked down to find her Guide dog happily lapping away on my ‘Juicy bone’, as my ‘blind angel’ lay unconscious after accidentally giving a fire extinguisher the blow job of a life time. I never did see her again, and she never saw anything.. ….again…...ever BEN