ISSUE 44 October 13th 2000
		F I N E P A I R . . . For once, Geri Halliwell is in the news for all the right reasons this week : her tits! Yep, this week her massive ‘talents’ were awarded 'best pair of breasts' by women all over the world in some boring ‘sewing and knitting’ magazine. (And whoever's stupid idea of mixing ‘sewing’ and tits’ together has a lot to answer for, because I soon lost my concentration and ended up sewing my hand to my leg!). Anyway, I’ve got to say, they are in great shape! (Unlike my ‘balaclava leg’). Her face may look as if it belongs to a pig that’s suffering from ring worm, but at least her ‘thrupney bits’ can still do a very good impression of two pink policeman’s helmets on a cold winter’s morning. Sometimes you wonder where Geri would be without them…..behind the till at Asda one suspects! But, someone who’d never be behind a till at Asda, is the gorgeous Jennifer Lopez, who’s tits came just behind Geri’s (what a thought !) in the poll. And this week it’s been announced that Puff was set to marry his ‘bitch’ by giving her a diamond studded ring. (No, not the type Elton John recently had ‘fitted’). However, if I was Jennifer, I’d make sure her ‘ring of love’ wasn’t ‘hooky’, because already this year, Puff’s Company ‘Bad Ass’ has also been subject to a trading standards investigation, after it was reported he was making children as young as four, work in ‘sweat houses’ whilst making his t-shirts. However, Puff was later cleared from this charge, after cops agreed with him that there was no problem, because the poor little monkeys knew exactly what they were doing, and the t-shirts were of a, very high standard! BEN