ISSUE 41 September 22nd 2000
		L O V E L Y P A I R . . . I don’t know about you, but the more I see and hear of that ‘sexy Latin monkey’ Jennifer Lopez, the more I feel she’s the only woman I could ever truly love. She’s got it all…. class, style, and bags of money. My current wife Tina on the other hand has a club foot, an ear infection, and a glass eye. (I think you can now see why I’m now looking to trade her in for a new model). But, judging by Jenny's spending rate on a recent two day shopping trip, I’m pretty sure she could afford to splash out on a young Orphan boy whose only Christmas present last year was a 1982 Betamax video player. (minus the f**king plug!). Just read how much good old ‘olive tits’ can blow in 72 hours whilst on a recent visit to London : Two nights at the Sanderson Hotel = £16, 000. Flights : Two first class and 11 business fares from New York = £41,000. Insurance : = £200, 000. Staff : = £10,000. Now, I don’t ask for much, but Jennifer, if you ever fancied a trip to Swansea, I’m pretty sure I could pull a few strings and we could have a beautiful romantic weekend together, without wasting too many of your ‘golden nuggets’. Now, I know it’s a long shot, but here’s a run down of how much our ‘weekend of a life time’ would cost : Two nights at Swansea’s YMWCA = £18.60. Flights : Hand glider hire = £ 35.00 per person. A meal for two at the Harvester restaurant = £24.00 Insurance : £0.00 (Don’t worry, Steve from the Swan Inn said he’ll look after your luggage and jewellery. Plus my mountain bike, and Tina’s Victorian doll collection). So, there you go love. take it or leave it, the choice is yours. I look forward to hearing from you (especially once ‘Puffy’ is safely locked up). BEN