ISSUE 39 September 8th 2000
		P I G U G L Y . . . Well, well, well, it looks to me as if ‘pop princess’ Britney Spears has decided that enough is enough after sacking all of her backing dancers this week for being ‘too ugly’. (I must admit that when I caught up with Britney’s tour last month in the sweet US of A I was convinced I was watching Britney performing live at a ‘Peter Beardsly convention’). However, I suspect she’ll now be needing some new dancers for her up and coming British tour . Well Britney, please let me point you in the direction of one of Swindon’s biggest dancing sensations of all time ‘White Flash’. Yep, me, Stevie, Ted and Frank have been together for over 35 years, and I can assure you, we are just the boys for the job! Just ask some of the 500 people who witnessed our ‘moving’ rendition of Swan Lake at the Pilton Beer Festival only last June. Pissed up and wearing nothing but one white feather boa between us, we brought the house down….and then the stage down….and then our trousers down. What a performance! We’d happily ‘puff and pant’ behind you all night long, although it normally takes us a few cans of Kestrel and some of Terry’s Viagra to really get us ‘dancing like a pissed up Torvel and Dean on speed’ (as the Keynsham Journal so kindly described us). BEN.