ISSUE 38 September 1st 2000
		L I K E A V I R G I N Well, well, well. I knew it all along. It’s finally been revealed to me this week that new ‘soul sensation’ Craig David isn’t quite the ‘King Sex Monkey Master’ he’s been bragging to everyone about. Yep, for someone who's forever singing about making Love from 'Monday till Sunday’ and who’s number one album is called ‘Born To Do It’ he’s suddenly gone very quiet! (A bit like the Pope did, once the truth finally came out about what actually happened on his stag night in Bethlehem). And by the way Ladies, if it wasn’t for the fact that I’ve got chronic asthma and my water bed’s got a huge puncture, I too, could make love to you from well….Wednesday to Thursday. If you’re interested, email me on ben@insiders.co.uk (my statistics are: 31-65-33). So, there you have it, Craig is a Virgin after all ! It was only this very morning that he phoned me to confess all. He wept: "I’ve never been in Love or thought about marriage. I’ve had infatuation, but it’s never the real thing!" Lord, he’s beginning to sound like Cliff Richard at a communal wine convention! Listen here Craig, one day it might just happen, but until it does, shut up and put your ‘love rod’ away you dirty little animal. P.S. My wifeTina would love to give you your ‘first taste of heaven’, but it will cost you her standard £50 for the lot! (If only she still had her own teeth and both her eyes, she’d almost be as rich as you!) BEN