ISSUE 31 July 14th 2000
		Y E S Y O U R H I G H N E S S . . . Once again this week, our favourite ‘virgin in leather’ Britney Spears admitted she’d love to marry ‘Prince William’ and become ‘Queen’. Well Britney, I think I speak on behalf of all of us when I say ‘get in there and get that old dog off the throne’ (Why Prince William seems intent on playing ‘spot the geek’ when he could be banging the arse off one of the hottest pieces of ruff in the world of pop I’ll never now. Wake up Donkey Boy !) She’s gagging for it ! I haven’t seen a woman so ‘up for it’ since the night my wife Tina had too much Sherry at our son’s school disco. (That night, every nine year old in the place got an ‘extra curricular examination! ) Just listen to this (donkey dick) "I’m definitely going to invite him to a concert, I’d love him to come." I bet you would, you cheeky bint ! Can I just say, that if old ‘diamond nuts’ can’t get round to bending you over the throne, then I know a very eligible bachelor with a massive ‘estate’ on his doorstep, who would just love to show you a night out to remember (even though you’ll remember none of it, due to the tablets involved! ) And I bet you’re wondering what his name is ain’t you Britter’s. Well, his name is Lord Hill of Swansea…… and Britney, this man lives like a lord. He has over Forty cars at his disposal (thanks to a coat hanger and some wire cutters), and spends most of his weekends clay pigeon shooting - (shooting real pigeons with bullets made from clay). Yes, I think you’ll agree, this man could certainly treat you to a weekend to remember on his ‘Spanish fishing Trawler’, which is currently resting just off the French Fishing Village of Ports Du La Mouth. So Britney, if you do fancy dining on the best out-of-date food money can buy, and see the sites and sounds of Paris (on video) then why not give me a buzz here. The address is at the top of the page. BEN