ISSUE 26 June 9th 2000
		I N D E C E N T P R O P O S A L . . . . Another week, another Britney Spears story, but as my Mother 'Ms whiplash' always says 'Sex Sells' (She wants sex, and is happy to pay for it ! ) Mummy is actually called 'Ms Whiplash' due to the horrific 'Whip Lash' she suffered after a terrible hand glider accident 10 years ago ! This week 'the only woman I've ever loved' was the subject of a sick perverts’ fantasy, after an American business man offered our Britney $12 million to sleep with her. Last night I spoke to Britney exclusively from her holiday home in Great Yarmouth, she told me : 'He should go and have a cold shower'. I told her I was 'right behind her' and wondered if a 'hand job for a tenner was out of the question ?.' For some reason the line went dead, so I still don't know if she's 'up for it' or not. Anyway, she's a virgin who doesn't believe in 'sex until after marriage', so the chances of any 'trains' passing through her 'tunnel' are zero, at least until she's got a 'ring on her finger'. (The thought of her wanting her finger up anyone’s 'ring' is such a turn on that I think I’ll forget about the whole 'hand job request'.) This whole 'sex for cash' reminds me of that lame duck of a film 'Indecent Proposal' when Robert Redford offered Demi Moore £1 million to bang the arse off her. It was indeed 'Indecent' because she's not worth £1 pound. She's a dog. Send the card BEN.